18 Feb 2016

The Ten Most Awkward Things About Valentine’s Day

1. The panic-stricken crowd that forms around the card stand in WHSmith at lunchtime on the 13th.

2. The colleague who feigns embarrassment as a second bouquet of flowers arrives at her desk while the rest of you stare stonily at your computer screens.

3. The ‘anonymous’ card in handwriting suspiciously similar to your mother’s.

4. Eating out: even Michelin-starred cuisine loses its appeal against a backdrop of competitive romance.

5. Eating in: you can’t help feeling judged by the JustEat employee who takes your order for two Jalfrezis with extra poppadoms.

6. Social media. Even your sanest friends succumb to Facebook PDAs (public declarations of affection) and live-Tweet their evenings à deux.

7. Being in a new relationship. Should you get them a card? Should you be concerned if they don’t get you one? Do you mention the ‘V’ word at all or act like it’s not happening?

8. Being single. Your favourite pub/bar/restaurant has suddenly been colonised by couples who’d rather be at home watching Netflix.

9. Being in a long-term relationship. You’re obliged to come over all earnest and sincere, even if your usual mode of affection is a high five.

10. E-marketing. Whether it’s a supermarket or a pension provider, companies seem incapable of sending an email during the first fortnight of February without the word ‘Valentine’ in the subject line.

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